This idea for a “fake interview” with BRAVO Channel’s James Lipton comes from a clever and talented blogger named Susan Shuman—click the link to read her “interview” and other posts:
IF James Lipton Had Interviewed Susan Shuman
Image Credit: Bandit © 2017
James: Thank you so much for agreeing to the interview, as I’ve heard that you don’t give many. Shall I call you “R L” or “Right Lane”—do you have a preference?
R L: You’re most welcome, James. I’m flattered by your interest, and you may call me “R L”.
James: So, it’s come to my attention that you’re a blog poet/author of some versatility who’s had upwards of 50—perhaps more—blogs, and used quite a number of creative pseudonyms. Is there a particular reason for the changing identities?
R L: Well, the Internet world being both wonderful and strange, sometimes it’s beneficial to leave one neighborhood and join, or form, a new one. It has much to do with my mercurial moods—if I’m depressed and restless, opening a fresh blog rejuvenates me. It’s like getting a new home and decorating it, without spending a dime. Much cheaper than actual shopping sprees…or therapy. And there are a lot of characters renting space in my head, so… but to answer a frequent question of readers, no I’m not running from the Mob or the CIA.
James: Intriguing. Well, let’s begin. “What is your least favorite word?”
R L: Oh my, it’s hard to choose—would you allow me a phrase?
R L: “It is what it is”.
James: What turns you on?
R L: Good literature, good films; funded programs which encourage youth, especially—but all ages—to find their creative niche. Sharing about my experiences with the living God of the Bible…and penning more poems that recall my one-true-love.
James: What turns you off?
R L: Gratuitous vulgarity and violence, impotent bureaucracy, and the widespread injustice and virulent disparity practiced and accepted in our legal system.
James: What sound or noise do you love?
R L: The ocean very much, wind chimes and rain, and genuine joy-filled laughter.
James: What sound or noise do you hate?
R L: Anger, particularly expressed in loud cursing and vulgarity, threats and humiliations.
James: What is your favorite curse word?
R L: I’m a “church lady”, right? So I might admit to cursing, but I can hardly offer up specifics, doncha know.
James: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
R L: There was a time when I wanted to teach… I might possibly like to be a Christian speaker, sharing encouragement through my testimony. And I always dreamed of writing greeting card messages. And cooking for the homeless or needy, a volunteer position—I’d truly enjoy that.
James: What profession would you not like to do?
R L: I couldn’t do any job where I’d be required to drive a vehicle; not factory work, or sales; nothing competitive, or stressful, like production work…or cleaning. Absolutely nothing to do with animals or plants…and I’m not really good with people either, you know, more than the time it takes to serve up soup and casseroles, etc.
James: So I gather that, other than your non-paying blog job, you are retired?
R L: Yes, I’m a retired recluse—well, I’m a recluse—I don’t imagine I’ll retire from that tenured position.
James: You come across as extremely passionate, and with a lovely sense of humor—have you considered politics or comedy?
R L: Either would require resigning my recluse status, so I think not.
James: Alright, finally, “If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?”
R L: James, Heaven most surely does exist, and I know with absolute certainty that I’m headed there. I think God will say, “Ohhh, there she is! Just look at My darling girl, an Over-comer—such a delight!!”
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